I Should Have My Own Hunting Show

Never did get out yesterday. 92 degrees in the afternoon and the wind was blowing 20 mph. Tried mowing the lawn but the blades are so dull all I managed to do was get sweaty and make the lawn look odd at best.

But the deer missed me. Just after sundown my intrepid hunting beagle cut loose outside just a howling. In my effort to promote neighborhood harmony I went to shut her up and there they stand. Two does standing right across the road saying, "Hey, aren't you coming out to play? We know you're in there". Only Drew can know the frustration I go through every season. He's had a lot of practice laughing at me or doing a play by play from the stands.

Now, to the reason I have titled this as I have.

I was watching deer porn on the Men's Channel this morning. These are the shows that haven't made ESPN2 or the Outdoor Channel yet. Some of them never will and here's why.

"The wind isn't right for where we want to be so let's just make do. We'll set up down wind looking into a rising sun in a tree that doesn't offer the cover we really need for the dozen or so camera, sound guys, producers, advertisers, and others that we need to put on this show." Okay, they didn't really say that but it became obvious from the other patter that was going on.

Out steps Charlie Racker walking slowly toward the stand from waaaaaaaaay down the field. He knows they're there. He's got the perfect view looking down sun. He walks toward the stand with that stiff legged gait that says, "I know you're there. I just haven't winded you yet".

Charlie doesn't get the chance to offer a decent target. In fact he stays head on through the entire approach. Suddenly the background music stops and the shot rings out. Charlie takes off as fast as he can considering the non-fatal wound Zippy the Hunter has inflicted.

Zippy, in his effort to save the show, calmly explains "we're going to give this buck quite a bit of time. I think I got a good hit on him but etc, etc".

Not!

Don't let me catch any of you doing this with that big one out here. I spend enough time tracking to get me through the year. For your sake, my sake, and the deer's sake, let's wait for the right shot and make those shots good ones.

Makes for better TV anyway.

That said, I'll see you back at the lodge.